On long distance relationship with Mother!

In conversation with life

Apart from being a platform for posting opinions and pictures to garner enough reactions and satiate our very human trait of seeking attention , I adore technology and social media also for being a medium to be promptly and continuously in touch with distant loved ones; mother being at the top of that list.

Me being opposite to my mother nature-wise; did not recognize her influence on me or realized her strengths that I still need to imbibe unless I was thrown far from her in various testing situations. I even owe our dissimilarities to her, who let my growth be a natural unfolding of my self rather than an effort to mold me into something she was or she wanted to be.

My mother is a picture of any traditional Indian homely woman with middle-parted hair, a calm composure, clad in a saree but is unconventional in several ways.

I remember I used to find it utterly dull when my mother refused to give her opinion on people during our general conversations and always discouraged any such talks from our part without applying any verbal or physical force. She would not give ears to useless opinions and judgments and turn the discussion into something useful. She has always been taciturn and me a complete blabber.

Even today she does not prefer to talk much. Our conversations over phone are short during which I often mention my disappointments with people only to listen her dismiss it altogether and say, “Leave it, everyone has their nature. You better remain busy with something creative.”

In young age, such words would turn me petulant. It was only later in life, after spoiling my mood and time and repeatedly learning the related advice from one of my spiritual teachers, I practiced it and discern how my mother always speaks from a deeper understanding of people and situation. Even today, in the bouts of negativity I call her and bring the matter up only to have her dismiss my negative opinion and replace it with a sane thought.

I make it a point to call her every day: not as a favor but as a gesture that she may be out of sight but never out of mind and if it is so, I will forever have time to talk to her for those few minutes, wherever and however I am. I promised myself never to let my calls to her become a matter of convenience.

I know she awaits my calls and I know she would never complain or mention if that does not happen for a day or two. My mother is a living example of living without expectations. Though rarely, but it happens when my calls do not reach her then instead of complaining she would call me and without any direct interrogation tries find out if all is well at my side.

The beauty of a long distance relationship is that the simplest of things become extraordinary.

We ask each other what has been cooked? How was the day? And connect over such daily matters which never were our part of the conversation before. It is quite amusing for her to find me grappling with the issues of grocery, deciding the menu for the day or sharing household tips. I am amazed by her dexterity of using app-based cabs, and all the features of social media! The distance has begun a new lap of the old bond: teaching us to manage without each other and make arrangements for the same.

I love her for not being a quintessential mother bombarding children over the phone with advice on food, relationship, etc. etc. She has always put an unsaid trust on us and still, she appreciates whatever I do, the way I manage my home knowing very well that if something is lacking, I am aware of it and would do the best required for the situation. She gently puts her thoughts across if ever she wishes me to know or follow a practice conducive for health or home.

Mother has kept peace with difficult people and situations, and still is a living embodiment of strength of character. She has taught me that it is not always a person with a sharp weapon or tongue is the strongest but it is also the person who can remain silent when all around you are provoking you to be judgemental, defensive or opinionated.

When we are together we are just there …but in long distance, it takes a process to say we are there and the process could be a few minutes call without reason. For mothers like mine who are courageous to be on their own without playing the victim or revealing her emotional challenges, daily calls become anchors on which they can moor their feelings as and when required. Be that anchor every day!

One should know that whether in another city or resting in peace in another world, mothers are always there for us in many several ways we can be ever for her.

More smiles and peace to all mothers.

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